Skin Crawl

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Part of what breaks my heart is thinking of all of the things the person I loved did during the end/fall out of our marriage. It makes my skin crawl to think that someone I trusted and cared about could do these things. For example - texting the other woman constantly on my actual birthday but barely saying anything to me on my day except for a quick "Happy Birthday". I even just received a card and a thrown-together gift. Contacting the other woman on our anniversary (around the time when their relationship got sexual), even though I made a nice dinner. Bringing her into our home on multiple occasions while our children were home - to do god only knows what.

Finding our bed-sheets changed (although she adamantly denies they had sex) on the day I found out she was in my home - the day after I begged Ex-L not to bring her into our home and the day before I found them fooling around in our living room. Finding empty Starbuck's cups with the other woman's name on it hidden in our trash can (which wasn't there earlier so they were stashed and then tossed when I wasn't looking). Finding a receipt for a "love card" and bouquet of flowers (even though Ex-L says they were for a co-worker's mother's birthday).

How can I care about someone that has blatantly not cared about me? How can I care about someone that would disrespect me so gravely and then wonder why I do not believe one word she says? It makes my skin crawl to know that this person would shatter our marriage like this - even if she felt it wasn't working. That's not the way you get out. And to know that she will be around our children, and have whatever/whoever she will have around our children makes me sick inside.

Who has the ability to be so deceitful? And what kind of sick person still mourns that relationship in their life?

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